Battle Report: Domination vs. Orcs

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Battle Report: Domination vs. Orcs

Postby BaronDeSade » Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:56 am

Khamul the Easterling looked down upon the field of slovenly Orcs with malicious contempt.

“Just look at them,” he seethed. “Lying about, drunk on their paper-wrapped liquors, fighting with each other for the privilege of eating the choicest bits of filth. Does Mordor command an army of the homeless?”

Captain Tai-Shan, his second in command, quickly answered. “Quite disgusting my lord. A stain on the banner of Mordor, they are!”

“Shut up, Captain, that was a rhetorical question. ‘Build me an army worthy of Mordor,’ The Great Eye said, but it looks to me like we haven’t built one even one quarter worthy of Mordor. Darn it all.” Khamul sighed, a great heaving sigh of defeat that made his empty cloak even emptier. “We might as well just slaughter all of these rejects and start over. Captain, we must hold this high ground here and dig an Orc pit in it. I need you to go capture those three forests so we can cut down the trees and use their wood as forge-fuel.”

Captain Tai-Shan gave a snappy salute. “At once, sir!” He turned to his Easterling Warriors. “All right boys, earn these masks! Take from them, everything, but give to them, nothing!”

One warrior raised his bronze-plated hand. Tai-Shan hissed in annoyance.

“What is it, Melik?”

“Sir, when you say, ‘Take from them, everything,’ does that mean take stuff like, uh, their garbage and stuff?”

“No!” screamed Tai-Shan. “You are the best-dressed servants of Sauron and I expect you to conduct yourselves as such!”

“Uh, thank you, sir. Now, what about their garbage: are we taking that too?”

Tai-Shan gave a nod. Sergeant Ilhan left his position at the front of the company, faced Melik, and slapped him across the mask with the butt of the company’s standard. The man gave a brief Wilhelm scream and collapsed.

“Thank you, Sergeant. Now, if there are no more stupid questions, there’s knife-work that needs doing. Easterlings, advance!”

The red-robed warriors moved out in a curved line. The plan was to send strong forces to capture the left and right wood, while leaving the center open. If the Orcs tried to advance in the center, the Easterlings pincers would crush them. If they held back, the Easterlings would defeat the Orcish wings in detail and then move forward to crush the enemy’s center.

It was a good, solid plan, but the Orcs chose to play a wild card at that moment.

Captain Tai-Shan looked around in puzzlement as a loud whistling sound rapidly filled the air around him. He noticed a round dot of a shadow on the armored forehead of his horse, and it seemed to be expanding at a worrying rate.

“Oh, bother,” cursed Tai-Shan a split second before the catapult stone struck him. The missile shattered as it punched through Tai-Shan’s unlucky horse and filled the air both with flying stone shards and the shocked cries of Men and horses.

Dazed, Tai-Shan staggered to his feet. The chances of the shot falling directly on him were surely a million-to-one, but by an unequally likely twist of fate, the Captain had survived the direct hit with nothing more than a few scratches. “Stuff and fluff,” he cursed, wiping horse-gore from his bronze mask. A moment later, another stone hit the ground, knocking down several Easterlings.

Sergeant Ilhan gave Tai-Shan an snaggle-toothed grin from the back of his own warhorse. He nodded in the direction of the Orc camp. “They have a reloading-troll.”

Tai-Shan ignored the jibe. “Easterlings,” he shouted, “advance in loose formation!”

The Easterling army spread out, each Man giving his neighbor as much room as possible so that if a stone hit nearby, as few as possible might be struck by the shrapnel.

‘If only we could just wait until they ran out of rocks,’ thought Tai-Shan. ‘No, that’s silly. Who ever heard of an Orc that ran out of rocks?”

The Easterling archers were now in ranged, and they began to fire on the shambling, ragged Orcs. The Men began firing arrows, killing their foul foes, even as catapult stones crashed around them. Bronze-armored men had legs and arms torn off by chunks of stone.

The Easterlings warriors had by now reached the leftmost forest without incident, but the rightmost grove swarmed with Orcs, and Tai-Shan was leading the Men there on their mission of Orc-o-cide. The Easterling left flank turned towards the center, then.

Several Orcs stepped forward to block their path. A large Morannon Orc brandished a mace. “Any of you tough enough to take me on?” he jeered at the Men.

“I might be,” hissed Khamul the Easterling, riding out from amongst the men. The Orc gamely stood firm as the Nazgul charged, but a moment later his head rolled on the ground.

“Hey, I didn’t say I was ready…” whispered the head as it closed its eyes.

The Easterlings continued their inexorable march forward. Where the Orcs stood in their way, the shambling hominids were brushed aside with little difficulty. The fearsome catapult continued to rain down rocks upon the Men, but their resolve was like steel. Eventually, the Orcs broke and fled, all save the catapult crew.

Khamul the Easterling was unconcerned. His troops were now too close to be targeted by the catapult, and he had captured two of the three forests while still maintaining control of the hill. It was good enough to call a minor victory and go resume his hunt for The One Ring.

Minor Victory for the Easterlings!

Tactical notes: Well the catapult surely did its share of damage, and as it was guarded by a Mordor Troll, an Orc Shaman, and an Orc Captain, there was no good way for me to dig it out of the last objective. Having said that, it could not prevent my victory. The Orcs were too few in number to halt the Easterling advance and they had no support save the catapult. Khamul the Easterling did lots of damage, but never had a good opportunity to cast any spells. In my opponent’s defense, he was prepared to play a 500 point game and I asked that we play a 600 point game. Anyhow, it was a fun and interesting game.


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Postby Gartl » Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:57 am

Sounds like it was a fun game. I would have liked to have seen a bit longer report as it seems to jump from the start of the battle to the end. I do appreciate your warped sense of humor though :-)
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